It's been a while since my last blog. I got back to Jamaica the harsh reality of life set in and side-tracked me.
Now that I've settled back in and looked around I find myself asking the same question so many...hmmmm...maybe ALL of my single female friends ask. Where have all the good guys gone?
So I decided that my inaugural JA blog would be my view of being single and over 30 in Jamaica...and the USA.
I'm no beauty queen but as they say in JA "nuh tree nuh grow innah me face" but unfortunately (or is it fortunately) I did get caught up in my career for a loooong time...I figured that whole marriage/children thing could wait. To be honest - I never did want to get married. I was never that little girl who had her dress, ring, church, bridesmaids etc picked out. I did however want someone I could share my life with and possibly children. I've dated good guys actually great guys and I've dated the "bad boys" - I've been proposed to and I made my choices...so trust me I get it
Having had the benefit of really good male friends I got to see a little more than the average chick of how guys think & act. So very early out I knew what was what - I'm that chick that knows most men cheat & am really not gonna kick his ass about it but at the same time I don't expect him to have it in my face & I do expect him to use a condom.
I'm also not the type of girl who jumps from bed to bed...I don't do one-night stands, I don't use one man to get over the other and I'm not comfortable sleepin w/a man bcuz he's willing to pay my bills. So it makes it a bit more difficult in the modern day "romping shop" masked as the dating scene....
So what do you do if you:
- don't go to a club/party/bar every night to meet men
- don't pick up guys at random
- don't believe in maintaining a man
- don't feel comfortable with sharing a man with 4/5 different women
- don't believe in having sex w/someone ur not attracted to for financial gain
- don't want to be his constant "booty call"
I'll answer that for you: You hang out with the same group of friends, inevitably complaining that you're not meeting anyone new watching weeks, months and years go by. Or you end up in a relationship that deep down inside you know isn't going anywhere but you stay because you know that the alternative/prospects are so dim that you might as well stick with the "evil you already know." You avoid kiddie parties, couple events or majour family dinners in order not to be plagued by the same questions over and over...."So when are you getting married? No babies for you? Who are you dating?"
I am not sure what the statistics are in Jamaica but in the US Forty-five percent of black women in America have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey in 2006.
or according to Oprah's story 70% of black women in the US are single
What I can say about the ratio of eligible single men to single women in Jamaica is its definitely skewed! Trust me on that one....my single female friends are independent, in great careers, great senses of humour and good-looking.....the problem? They are over 30...That means that they are now thrust unwillingly into competition with not just the women in their age bracket or socio-economic category but high-schoolers, "gold-diggers or Looseys", 20 somethings and of course the college crew. The men have the advantage....
They need have no direction, steady job (as long as the can hustle to present an image of such), be in good physical shape or even have a proper command of the English language....in fact they don't even have to be single...it matters not. They'll still have a stack of women waiting in the wings.
So does it surprise us that the ratio as of 2007 at The University of The West Indies (Mona) was 82% female to 18% male?
Now if that isn't a gap I don't know what is....It's also a glimpse into the further divide that exists for single women today especially over 30. It's daunting...no lie.
Having heard the tales from friends of how the guy tells them after a few weeks - "dem did know what him did want & is not a relationship" or "if dem caan sen on a 10 gran or suh fi tek care of some tings" or better yet never ask them out just constantly text about having sex w/them....why would a woman want to put herself through this.
I haven't dated in years....the thought of facing what's out there is frightening because the attitude of the men whether uptown, midtown or downtown is the same. They have no time nor desire to "date" they want sex w/out the strings/commitment and frankly if they don't get it from you they'll get it elsewhere. If I thought it was an "urban legend" I did hang out w/ a nice guy recently and had it recently confirmed - #1 desire for single men out there a friend w/benefits...commitment not wanted around here. At least he was upfront but then you have to ask yourself do I hang with him again? Or is it just a complete waste of my time? Or do I just go straight cougar and date a much younger guy....btw I just had one ask me out by calling me a "big woman?" woooow I felt like a granny....but you take it in stride & adjust your jerk magnet and hope it's working properly.
It makes you want to give up and I have gorgeous and amazing female friends who basically have done just that. Locked themselves away because they're tired of the games and disrespect. It's even worse when your married friends say "You're too picky" or "There are plenty of good guys out there - you just not looking." So to salvage the friendship you bite your tongue and make a hasty retreat back to your single friends who understand the plight. Frankly if you're not a single woman in today's world past a certain age you cannot understand what it's like.
It's dismal out there if you're unwilling to compromise your standards, body or self-respect but I am on the never ending search to find out where have all the good guys gone....